“Really, look – the whole thing is made of wax.”

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Trick question – they’re both fake

Madame Tussaud’s wax museum is filled with wax renditions of celebrities – almost all of them deeply engulfed by the uncanny valley separating reality from rendition. There’s no real point to any wax museum, just someone’s idea of art pandering to celebrities and bringing fans to pose with someone who would rather not get close to the unwashed masses.

Serving even less of a purpose is 2005’s remake of the classic Vincent Price film, House of Wax. The original wasn’t the best of films, but it did have a story and starred some real actors. Brian van Holt does put in a believable as Billy Bob Thorton / Bo / Vincent (oh, I get it! it’s an homage!), but aside from that the remake brings us rich, pretty faces who want to have something on their resumes. Robert Ebert actually defended the film as no worse than other films in it’s genre and that Paris Hilton “is no better or worse than the typical Dead Post-Teenager, and does exactly what she is required to do in a movie like this, with all the skill, admittedly finite, that is required”.

worth the wait

worth the wait

What I enjoyed more than anything else was seeing Paris take a pipe through the forehead while trying to hide from one of the two brothers doing the killing.

Serving absolutely no purpose whatsoever- like the script, the entire  House of Wax is built from wax. And so is everything in it- well, except for the people. The one tie to the original film (other than the title) is that the people in this museum, and indeed, the whole town are wax-covered, but inside, they’re regular people that two evil – minded twin brothers and their ‘other brother’ -let’s call him Earl-have been capturing along the highway and bringing in to populate their ‘dark disney‘ town.

Vincent and Bo are twin boys, born conjoined, but separated as children, leaving Vincent deformed without an eye and part of his face. The two, along with one other brother that only exists as a separate character so that there can be an option for a sequel, live in their town of wax figures building an elaborate paradise.

Sorry - Can't talk. I've got to brood...and work out.

Sorry – Can’t talk. I’ve got to brood…and work out.

I’m sure that eventually the police would eventually start following up on the dozens of missing persons lost in the area, but they didn’t get around to it until the smoke from a massive fire at the end of the movie caught their attention. However, by that time, the world had lost four upstanding, young people. On the other hand, we get to see the heart of gold that had been trapped inside the brooding figure of Mr. tough guy bloom into a beautiful flower and earn back the love and trust of his kid sister (actually that part of the story was quite good). So, if Paris had to die to make this happen, it’s probably a fair trade.

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One comment on ““Really, look – the whole thing is made of wax.”

  1. […] It was a time of great artists and great scientists. Mark Twain(1835-1910),  Herman Melville(1819-1891), James Joyce(1882-1941), Franz Kafka(1883-1924), Pyotr Tchaikovsky(1840-1893), Johannes Brahms(1833-1897), Vincent Van Gogh(1853-1890), and Auguste Rodin(1840-1917) could run into one another. Mark Twain could have taken Vincent Van Gogh for beer and an earful of clever conversation that acknowledged a crazy world, but didn’t fall into despair because of it.There are many brilliant minds at all points in history, we’ve recently had scientists such as Richard Dawkins and Craig Venter; Computer makers Steve Jobs and Bill Gates; Musicians Paul McCartney, Yo-Yo Ma and Joshua Bell; and filmmaker John Lasseter, to name a few -and lest we forget, we have the Kardashians and Paris Hilton to show us that, while the unexamined life may not be worth living, one populated with innumerable selfies is just HOT! […]

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