See No Evil 2

See no evil 2 promises a gore fest right from the start with the opening credits laid over scans of blades, scalpels, saws, drills, and all manner of tools perfect for the hardworking slasher. We’re beaten over the head with the similarity between the honorable profession of slasher/ murderer and that of medical examiner.

tools fill the heart with joyous expectation of slayings to come, but also make you think: these MEs are probably pretty handy with these tools as well- this is NOT going to be a walk in the park for our friendly neighborhood vivisectionist.

As the opening credits fade away, we meet Amy and her two friends and coworkers (frankly, I can’t remember their names, but it doesn’t really matter)- one is wheelchair guy, we all remember the fate of Franklin from Texas chainsaw massacre, right? Wheelchair guy is not getting out of this alive. And nice, calm, nerdy guy. We wonder whether two people might survive this in the end. Nerdy guy can’t possibly have sex, so that’s a chip on the survival side. Hmmm.

Image result for franklin texas chainsaw massacre

Amy has her birthday tonight, and is just leaving her shift when they get a call about the murders from the first film. A bunch of bodies are getting delivered, including that of the killer.

-it won’t be any trouble, Amy, you can go off to your party.

Instead, Amy calls her friends to say she can’t get out, there’s a lot of work to do. Magically, this teleports her friends into the morgue where they’ve set up balloons and music In One room while they all hide to scare her as bodies come alive in the body-storing room. (The twenty-somethings have used their free teleport tokens now and won’t be able to escape anything quickly from here on in). The killer, of course, has a teleporter with infinite tokens and also a time turner (gift from Hermione Granger).

It’s not long before people start pairing off and having sex in rooms with the bodies. And who can blame them! All those stiffs around, there’s gunna be some action!

We all know, that’s a trip to the front of the line.

At this point we get a feel for the full scope of this morgue. It’s roughly the size of the pentagon, and just as well secured. Every door will soon be locked and there are uncountable / unaccountable cages and prison doors littered haphazardly about the complex- which, aside from the party kids, is 100% empty. Also- no cell phones allowed in, and there’s only one landline in the whole place.  I’ve included a map of the morgue so you can follow the characters around the building trying to find their way out – or at least to a room with a window. The little box in the center is where they have the party – and in an effort to save space, I truncated the maze – I mean hospital – on all sides. Be aware that we can only assume these hallways go on forever.

Image result for giant maze

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Friday the 13th part IV also starts in a morgue. Like that film, this film’s killer just can’t stay dead, and he awakens to craftily sneak about silently and swiftly shortly after the film’s sex kitten straddles him and gives him a kiss while seducing her boyfriend. He’s not into the necrophilia, but can’t resist the girl. Minutes later, our killer, Jacob goodnight (fun name-it’ll never roll of the tongue), hops up unseen and must hightail it to the breaker box to kill the lights and the. Rush back to the room to appear behind the panicked lovers (lusters?) and take down the guy in short order. Sexy girl gets away to give us hope that she might be the ‘final girl’ while her boyfriend is getting mangled behind her.

 

There are a number of killings that happen quickly to thin down the pack to a reasonable number. This is where you wonder why, with all those knives we saw in the opening credits, everyone is getting killed by bare hands. Back at the party, some story tries to creep out about why Amy is working in the MEs office rather than in med school earning an MD. – which is funny all by itself since MEs are MDs-it’s not a job you fail into.

 

From five easy steps to becoming an ME:

  1. Earn a Bachelor’s Degree. Most pre-med students major in either biology or biochemistry. …
  2. Complete Medical School. …
  3. Complete an Anatomic Pathology Residency. …
  4. Complete a Forensic Pathology Fellowship. …
  5. Apply to Work in a Medical Examiner’s or Coroner’s Office

Really, it’s a cinch.

Amy’s back story takes a long time to develop, but eventually we learn that Amy dropped out of med school because, ‘everyone winds up here, in The end.’ Meaning: dead. So why should we ever work at anything? That’s an excellent moral. I guess it keeps people home and watching WWE, which is definitely good for the producers.

Decent gore, empty plot, a giant of a killer with the ability to be everywhere at one and keenly predict every character’s action in advance. And, spoiler alert: you can’t kill him.

I did enjoy watching this with my #FrightClub #HorrorFamily, but I can’t say I’d watch it alone – or sober.

 

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